Sick of this life...

hello my frens
it's been awhile
i shall tok abt frenship here
PLS DO READ TO THE BOTTOM
THX!

friendship in pri and sec sch
izit strong? will it last?
i see my father
his close fren have been with him for more than 10 yrs they go out regularly on saturdays to have dinner and chat
pri sch or sec sch frens? i asked him
neither
he says dat the frens i hav nw is only temporary
they will nt ur best pals, stick through all the way with u
i started to retort but he says
"think! is dere really anyone who really goes through everything with u? really care so much abt u? reall share all his secrets with u? no. they r juz temporary gd frens. take a look at ur pri sch frens. do still in contact with them? some yes some no. but do u still hav so much fun, share so many things and tok to them like how u tok to ur frens nw? no."

now dat stunned me.
it made me realise dat i shld nt trust my frens much
nt dat they are bad or anything
but listening to DAT made me think
hey, it's true man.
he/she might be influenced by some stupid rumours and start to hate u
or
he/she might juz ignore or even worse, put u into trouble to be better and for progress sake
i've been backstabbed, bad-mouthed and seen cases abt these things too many times.
i'm numb alr
it's stupid
i'm still naive
i'm willing to share with someone
to be for him or her
but can i?
will he/she?
i cant even really do dat with my own parents, let alone frens
i'm envious for ppl whose parents r all ears to their child
listening, given some advice and stuff
sharing abt life, abt bgr, abt interest
but i'll nvr hav it
frm young i'll hav "lectures" abt the birds and the bees
dat they r WRONG
hey, if a person masturbates, he/she is nt gonna die man
it's his/her own personal will
so long as it doesn't affect me
abt realationship
parents: better nt to get in realationship arh. later results all fail.....
blah blah blah
nt once a month
is almost every week
hw do u expect me to communicate
we juz won click
ironic huh? my own parents
and the views are diff
generation gap u say?
maybe...

recently so many probs crept up
it seems like a funny thing for sec 4s
some are studying, some are nt
some are anxious, other not
bgrs do nt last anymore
almost time to time, i'll hear abt ppl beraking up
den console them...
too stress abt studying
console them...
too lazy
enocurage them...
hell, i do need these too
i'm a HUMAN too
i'm so freaking fed up with this life man
secrets? to hell with them
i hate it
i might as well share it with ppl, a burden off me
o lvl yr
i do hav to study
but i find myself slacking
i wanna study but i cant bring myself to
y? how?
i'm still searching myself
it's stupid, this is only sec 4
i'm only 16, and a long journey awaits
and i'm beaten down alr?
i juz wanna abandon everything
go for some soul searching at some peaceful area
and come back physically and mentally prepared and charged

stupid jokes and guai lan comments
i guess dat's hw ppl look at me
my mouth
i hate it
i rather do with a quiet personality but sociable too
my mouth gets me into trouble years back
i dun wan it to happen agn
i rather i loss my gift to joke ard
serious times and i dun feel it
i joke ard
planning stuff
ppl racking their brains
i rack by brains saying smth funny
i find myself the JOKER
and even the D.I.S.C says me clearly
i feel myself irritating
i juz duno when to stop...
i feel stupid...
i dun wan to be a joker, a clown
humorous is gd, nt being a joker
those are 2 different things
i duno hw to explain it
but i noe it
can my life change?
can i be serious frm nw on?
the laughter and smiles since sec sch life
it's diff
it's smiles and laugh at expression, but it's without heart

I'M TIRED, I REALLY AM...