Thoughts down the meandering lane...
Tuesday, February 24, 2009 Tuesday, February 24, 2009
i've been considering when to change my blogskin but once again, i've been lazy to do so...
anyways, it's encouraging to see people tagging my almost dead blog. currently in the school library now rotting. these days without council has been really weird for me. i tried to convince myself that i have moved on. however, i see councillors going about their duties and getting stressed over upcoming events, and i thought: was i like this before?
it's like losing something that has been a part of me for quite sometime. yes, it's annoying to stay till quite late in school, it's annoying to have conflicts, it's annoying to be home after a long tiring day and faced with never ending homework, and it's annoying to be annoyed by such stuffs. but what made me pushed all these aside are the other wonderful 29 people in council whom i worked hard with, sharing everyone's pain and joy. yesterday's meeting with the new batch of council nominees really made me feel extremely awkward. friends told me to stay and look at them, just join them. i told myself: is this what you really want? shouldn't you move on? it really is awkward when you are no longer part of the family and you are shamelessly trying to still be part of it. i should move on.
But I can't.
My parents are another part which stresses me everyday. from every minor things and everything has to be done in their way, be it a big or small matter. they nag and scold at every single possible chance and could never leave me alone at times. everything is so strict and rigid. it's suffocating. and what really annoys me is that they could be oh-so-sweet and good at times, pampering me with stuff. at other times, they could be extremely.........anal.
Lastly, my current relationship status. i believe my close friends do know about it. i'm really in a state of numbness. i feel lost and detached, distracted by other things too. i don't know what to do, and i'm extremely frustrated.
i hate this. i want to escape from all of this...
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