Grandfather

Hey readers, if there are any...

Well, went to pitstop cafe with denny, yilu and clarissa to have some fun. It was really great. But didn't have the mood to talk about this now.

Well, my grandfather's condition is getting worse now, i don't know how much more it can get worse. He is not on any medication now and it's basically a matter of time before he... Ya, i can't even type out the word now. Well, yesterday, which is the 10th of nov, my mum noticed that he has been standing in the toilet in front of the toilet bowl for ages. Normally, he just returned to his bed after whatever business. But he has been standing there and shaking a little recently. So in the evening, my parents noticed that he has been in the toilet for quite some time with the doors closed. Dad told me to check it out. So i tried opening the door but it was locked. I called out to him and he answered, and unlocked the door. I opened it so as to checked whether everything was ok.

The moment the door opened, i saw him looking at me and there was a very shocked look on his face, and he starts stumbling backwards.

He began to fall back.

I rushed forwards to catch him and manage to hold his right arm. The impact was reduced and it was like he sat down on the floor slowly. My dad rushed forward and helped him up. I could hear him groaning. I could see some tears at the side of his eyes. My dad hugged him and told him it's ok. Parents helped him back to the bed. I went to my room and sat on my chair. I cried. It's a terrible feeling. It's uncontrollable. The image of his surprised/shocked face and him falling in front of me. What happens if i wasn't there to catch him? And i did not really hold him to prevent the falling. The images haunt me now. And every time he goes to the toilet, he does that standing thing over and over again. We have to help him back to his bed from the toilet, which is only 5 steps away. My dad have to help him on a wheelchair to get to the kitchen for dinner. He couldn't walk properly anymore. He was trembling badly whenever he walks or eats.

My dad pointed out that his legs and hands are swollen. He also appears to be in pain as he keeps stroking his nose and grimace in pain. I think that's because he has stopped taking all medication, as instructed by the doctors. Also, because of the 5 large tumours in his brain, it has grown and my dad thinks that it is pressing on to some nerves, affecting his movements. He believes that my grandfather wants to walk, but his limbs are not obeying, therefore, the strange standing in the toilet thingy happens.

I had difficulty sleeping. Any sounds from his room alerted me immediately, be it groaning or the sound of the toilet light switch clicking. How could i sleep after all these things?

I do not have the mood to do anything much right now. It affects me really badly and i don't want to be some emo guy which spreads the sadness around. That's just not me. I need some time. To anyone reading this, please cherish your love ones. You don;t know what you missed until it's gone. Cliche, but true.